Dear Diary, I love Minnesota!

Aug: 12  Moved to our new home in Minnesota. It’s so beautiful here. The grasslands and hills are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. God’s country… I love it here.

Oct. 14 Minnesota is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red, yellow, and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful woodland forest and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly, they are the most beautiful animals on Earth. This must be Paradise… I love it here.

Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon… I love it here.

Dec. 2 It snowed all night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looked like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snow ball fight (I won) and when the plow came by he plowed the snow back into our driveway. I shoveled the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in Perfect Harmony… I love Minnesota.

Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland!… I love it here.

Dec. 19 More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I am exhausted from too much shoveling… Friggin snowplow.

Dec. 22 More of the white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow driver hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling the damn snow off this driveway… Asshole.

Dec. 25 “White Christmas”, my busted ass… More friggin snow. If I ever get my blistered hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives that piece of shit snowplow, I swear I’ll castrate that bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the friggin ice.

Dec. 28 More white last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except when shoveling out the driveway after Snowplow Harry comes. Can’t go anywhere. Car is buried in a mountain of White Shit. The weatherman says to expect another ten inches of the shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow ten inches is?

Jan. 1 Happy Friggin New Year. The weatherman was wrong again. We got 34 inches of the white shit this time. At this rate, it won’t melt until the 4^th of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the shithead driver had the balls to come to the door to borrow a shovel. After I told him that I’ve broken six shovels already shoveling the shit he pushes in my driveway, I broke my last shovel over his friggin head.

Jan. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and another shovel. On the way home a God-Damn deer ran out in front of the car, and I killed the bastard. Did about 3 grand damage to the car. Those friggin beasts should be slaughtered. Wish the hunters had killed them all in November.

May 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all the friggin salt they keep dumping on the road? Car looks like a shit box.

May 10 Moved to Texas. Can’t imagine why anyone in there friggin right mind would ever want to live in that God-forsaken State of Minnesota.